i fell in love with the girl at the rock show

she said “what”

and i said “whAT”

and she said “i can’t hEAR YOU THE MUSIC’S TOO LOUD”

and i said “WHAT”


2014 is half over and

  • -i lost no weight
  • -didn’t learn anything
  • -haven’t made an effort to save money
  • -still ugly

I’m going to rub chillies into your eyes. Then sand. Then bleach. Then I’m going to use the spoon. Do you know what I do with the spoon?

It’s one of those nights where I’m having an existential crisis.

  • Interviewer: What is your greatest strength?
  • Me: I have FANTASTIC taste in television

@simonpegg: Whenever I see a grown man wearing Crocs, I always wonder exactly when it was they gave up on life.

Characters with the most kills at the end of season 4.

Runners up are The Governor, Hershel, Merle, T-Dog and Bob.